Balance

Balance. It’s tricky, isn’t it?

I currently work a full-time job, as well as trying to get back into photography and fostering the resurgence of this blog. I’m trying really hard to get my body back to being stronger. I’m also married and quite like my partner, and would like to spend time with him.

I find myself working on my pay-the-bills job, clocking out, and immediately getting to work on photo editing, drafting possible post ideas, trying to cook dinner for myself every night, while getting into bed by 11 p.m. so I can wake up at 6:30 a.m. to get a work out in before I head to the office again the next day. Then it starts all over again.

And this is on top of the current pandemic we’re living in! People keep writing about how it’s ok for productivity to falter a bit in the face of an upheaval of routine, and I completely agree. But there’s also a voice in the back of mind whispering “well, it’s ok for everyone else, but not for you. Get it together.” I would never say this to anyone else, so why do I talk to myself that way? And if you’re like me, and you have some kind of semblance of your B.C. (before Covid) routine back, it still doesn’t feel normal.

This post doesn’t have any tips on how to make it all work. Quite the opposite, I need tips on how to make it all work. I do not have it all together. I barely have it all in the same house. I give 100% to my day job, while I feel I deserve to also give 100% to myself and my passions and interests. I struggle with feeling guilty about a veg out session in front of Bob’s Burgers for an hour, because there’s so much I want to do and get done. If you asked me to help you with the same issue, I’d tell you "everyone deserves to check out for a little bit, whatever that looks like.” So why don’t I take my own advice?

At this point, most of my friends have a kid (or two!) and are just really doing it. They are working jobs, being creative, raising amazing small humans, all while getting regular exercise and keeping their house clean. I only have one partner and two dogs, and everything kind of feels like when you’re alllllmost done with a sand castle and a wave comes through and melts it back down.

So, all of this to say, maybe it isn’t just balance, maybe it’s also comparison. I generally keep that in check pretty well, but I still have eyeballs and a thumb that scrolls.

How are you keeping balance? How do you keep comparison at bay?

How are you doing?